A conversation started on a friends Facebook page the other day about whether or not public schools should offer condoms to students. There was a lot of discussion and a lot of misjudgment in this conversation between a believer in Christ and a non-believer. But, non the less the conversation got me thinking and here are my thoughts on the subject:
WARNING: This is my soapbox, I’m aware of that. Sorry if this is offensive to any of you, it’s not meant to be offensive, just a place for me to get my thoughts out in writing.
My husband and I both "saved" ourselves for marriage. We committed to doing this BEFORE we were even together at the age of 15 and this was based on our personal convictions... not those of our parents or anyone else. It was hard to keep that commitment, but sharing that first experience together on our wedding night was truly incredible. We now have two daughters and I honestly I'm terrified of them becoming teenagers. ;).
I want them to experience the wonderful compassionate grace that the Lord gives us. He loves us regardless of our moral decisions and he fully understands the temptations we face. I pray for them daily, that they will find a relationship with the Lord that is personal to them, not something they do to make me happy. I will encourage them to follow there dreams, to listen to their heart, and to think with their brain. But I will also teach them that our authority comes from our Creator and because we love Him will follow Him.
We will send them to public school so that they will have to make choices that are hard and experience the depravity of this world while still living in our home. I am not against homeschool or private school, this is just a decision we feel firmly about in regards to our children. I want to shelter and protect my children from the world, but I also know that it is my role to teach them how to live in this world and not of it. We want to do this while they are in our care and give them the opportunity to own their faith and choices themselves. This scares me to no end, but I know that the Lord loves my babies more then I could ever love them. He will stir their hearts and call them to be His children. They will be faced with all of the same things facing teenagers today and sometimes they will make the wrong decisions. They will get hurt. They will experience pain. I will do my best to comfort them, and I will always point them back to the One who gives the eternal comfort and covers all of our weaknesses with His strength. Yes, it is my job to protect them, but more importantly it is my job to teach them and I don’t want to shelter them from everything in this world, I want to use it to teach them more about our Lord.
The choice to abstain from sex before marriage is not one that is made in the moment. It is made long before the moment happens, so that when the temptation comes the decision is already there. I do not believe that if condoms are readily available to them that they will just choose to go a head and have sex. If they are going to have sex, they will make that choice with or without a condom. I also do not believe that non-Christians should be held to the strict moral standard that the bible lays out for us. The standard that Christians live by is because we fully love the Lord, not because we want favor or merit from Him. We can never be good enough to enter His presence without His covering of grace, which is that of Jesus dying on the cross and shedding his blood as the eternal sacrifice for our sins. Why should we expect people who do not know Christ to hold to our same moral standard?
I will not fear that because the school my children go to hands out condoms that my children are then going to become sexually active. Although they might still choose that path anyway, it will not be the fault of the school. It is our responsibility as parents to raise them in such a way to understand the gospel, to hear the Lords call on their life, to pursue Him in all that they do, to live daily making choices that honor Him. They will fail. I fail. But, I don’t choose to shelter them from the fallen world right outside our door. I open the door and take every opportunity I can to teach them and show them how to live in accordance with the scriptures.
Giving out condoms to the kids that are going to have sex anyway is something that is probably a good thing. In the end, the Lord will use all of our decisions for His glory and usually our sanctification, but that doesn’t mean the world can’t give options to those that are living of the world. I also wonder what kind of impact it would have on teenage abortions. If condoms were available to them, would the rate of abortions go down? If so, and I believe it would, then heck yes, I am all over giving condoms to those that are going to have sex, if it means saving the life of an unborn baby. Again, why would I expect the public school my child goes to, to uphold the Christ centered standard of living that I have implemented in my home?
Here is a nugget from my life, I saw condoms in junior high and it did not make me want to run out and have sex. I had condoms in my dorm room at college (as a Resistant Assistant for a state college dorm, we had to give them to anyone who asked for one) and during those two years before Kyle and I were married, the condoms did not make me want to just have sex anyway. I already understood the magnitude of that decision and the beauty that the Lord had created in sex that could not be experienced outside the marriage walls. It is not simply an act to satisfy a human need, it is a gift and such a beautiful one, given to a husband and wife.
By the time my children enter high school they will know and understand all of the standards we expect from them. They will also know that the schools expect less and for them, that is not OK. They will own the choices and be encouraged to make the right ones in the sight of the Lord, not just for us as their parents.
I am really actually not looking forward to all of this, but I know that the Lord gave these two babies to us as their parents and raising them will be our journey into sanctification. Parenting needs to be just as intentional as everything else in my life. I will not shy away from the difficult conversations. I will not hesitate to say “I don’t know” lets seek the Lord out for that answer. I am already praying for the days to come, but I know He is sufficient in everything and will help Kyle and I on our journey to parenthood and He will fill in the gaps that we leave along the way.
(PS – both Kyle and I had some pretty darn awesome parents that loving showed us the truths of the Lord and lived them out daily for us growing up. We were both blessed to be raised in a Christ-centered homes that focused more on Christ then it did on judgment and we are forever grateful for the examples we have in parenting our children)
What are your thoughts about condoms in public high schools?
29 comments:
Sorry Sherah.
Kids today can get ANYTHING they want. Legal or illegal. If they can scrape together the cash to buy Iphones and 200 shoes, they take their lunch money to CVS and by their own condems. Availability isn't the issue. Condoms are cheap, legal, and readily available. If they don't have them, it's because they don't WANT to have them.
I have no interest in subsidizing somebody elses sex life...especially a minor's.
(We can still be friends, right? ;) )
52% of all abortions are done on women younger then 25. What would you suggest to implement in our schools to change this number?
(ps - of course we can still be friends, that's the beauty about life, we don't have to agree on everything!) :)
Sherah,
Why do you feel like that is the school's responsibility? That's not what schools do.
Because it's obvious that many parents don't teach their children or hold them accountable when it comes to sex. I don't think it's the schools responsibility but I also would not protest if they were trying something to help the problem. My point is that kids are already having sex, giving them a condom won't make them want to even more. Therefore offering condoms should not be an issue. I am not afraid that it will somehow corrupt my children.
The issue arose in NM when schools in Abq starting doing this and then parents were outraged and think that now their kids are going to have sex, because the schools are giving out the condoms.
Why do u suppose those kids don't have them already?
I don't suppose that, just don't quite understand why it's a big deal if the schools have them available?
So u r saying they do have them?
If they have them or if they don't seems irrelevant to me. Some probably do and some would probably never go and buy one, although they could if they wanted to.
I agree. It's not relevant...because schools are about learning math, history, and language. Not a place to learn how to bone your girlfriend without getting her pregnant. Seriously, it is totally out of bounds for the same reason we dont have the post office give out bibles or Qurans or have the IRS distribute statin drugs with tax returns...it's just not what they do.
I say again...i don't want to subsidize a minors sex life with my taxes. I am appalled at the thought that i would even be asked to (not by you....I mean in regards to this topic in public policy).
So are you also agaist sex education classes offered throughout the school years?
I'm not against "lifespan development" classes that talk about the different phases of life including puberty and reproduction in a science or physiology class, but I don't think "contraception training" is appropriate for minors.
Would you be a fan of a "How to beat a breathalizer" class? I know it's not a great comparison.
hum, interesting point. I still don't quite agree with you because I believe that education is the best prevention. The best education starts at home, but where that is lacking, I do not believe it does any harm to have it in the schools as well. I had several friends that beleived things like, "you can't get pregnant standing up or if you take a shower right after." Those kids parents aviously did not teach them anything about sex, so the school sex-ed class was of great benifit to them.
Wait a minute. You mean that you CAN get pregnant standing up?!? Holy crap!!! J/k
OK. Here's the thing. I'm not sure what needs to be said beyond "Don't have sex unless your ready to have a baby." Because seriously, even if every kid used protection, we would still have hundreds of thousands of unwanted babies every year. I think loading them down with birth control that is only 97 percent effective sends the wrong message (Russian roulette).
You blow my mind with almost every post these days! So thought-provoking....I need some time to think about how to even respond with something halfway intelligent. Reading stuff like this makes me realize that I don't think outside the box enough these days. I need to get out of my bubble more.....
Sherah,
You said "I still don't quite agree with you because I believe that education is the best prevention."
Let me ask you this. When you say "education" what exactly are you referring to? How would you teach this? What would you say?
Justin, let me give you a little background as to where I am coming from, maybe it will help you understand my concern. I worked for a Children's Home in NM for almost three years. The kids there were mostly teenagers and were placed with us because either their home life was unstable or they had behavior issues that needed attention. These kids came from all different backgrounds and most of them were never talked to about sex. All they knew was what the school or their friends told them. Three girls at the Home got pregnant either in high school or just after and who knows how many of them might have had abortions. They did not have money and were not allowed to leave the campus. We were out in the country, so walking was not an option. They could not get condoms and if they asked (and they did) they were told no way, you just can't have sex. Well, guess what, they had sex anyway and a few of them got pregnant.
I do not view sex in the same category as drugs or other things illegal, minors having sex with other minors is not illegal (although maybe it should be). So the fact is, they are going to have sex. If they are not taught by someone one (hopefully the parents) the risks and dangers associated with have sex, then I believe the epidemic of teenage pregnancy and abortions will continue to grow.
While I was in school I specifically remember three different sex-ed classes. Once in 5th grade were we learned about the body and puberty. Once in 7th grade where we learned about safe sex (they pushed abstinence as the best option). This is the one where they talked about how you get pregnant and how to say no if someone is pressuring you to have sex. The last one was in high school and this is the one that covered STDs and all of the contrapositive options (still pushing abstinence). I believe these classes to be beneficial to me and the peers that I had.
I also know that prior to these classes my parents (mainly my mom) sat with me a discussed all of these things with me first. She also, more importantly, shared with me why sex is so beautiful between and husband and a wife. We talked about the gift that the Lord gave us and how I can give that gift to my husband one day. About how our bodies are not our own, so we need to make decisions that we would want our future husbands to make with their bodies.
ALL of this I found to be beneficial in my view and upbringing on sex. The fear that somehow how talking about sex will magically corrupt a child's brain and make them want to go try it is just a little ridiculous to me. Our bodies are made to want that, no amount of talking about it changes that.
But let me say this, this whole discussion was not about the education process in school, if anything I believe there needs to be more education about it. More open discussion and less of the blanket statement, "this is wrong, don't do it." This discussion was simply about having condoms available if kids wanted them. And I still don't see how that is going to make kids want to have sex more.
The Children's home is different. I'm assuming it's a non-profit and even if it isn't, it's a different (pseudo-parental) role than the public school system.
This all comes down to the role of government. I don't want schools doing my job. Public schools are for math, science, and english...again, not for "here's how you bone your girlfriend without getting her pregnant." Besides, if you are going to have any public employee handing out condoms it makes WAY more sense logistically to have the mail man do it. Seriously.
There has got to be boundaries here, Sherah. This is REALLY not their job.
It doesn't stop here. I just feel like all my son's bodily functions are off limits. I don't want the school telling my kid what to eat (this is a big one for me), how to shower, how to wipe his butt, etc.
Here's another way to look at it.I know this is graphic but you have to remember what we are discussing. I know you well enough to know you would hit the roof if the school told any of our kids how to wipe their bottom without us knowing about it. How's is that outragious, but it's a good idea for them to tell our kids how to insert/be inserted without getting pregnant.
I know it's graphic to say it that way, but this is only an "intellectual issue" when we debate it... In real life, it's a very personal, emotional, physical, and spiritual issue.
You know me, I'm not afriad to discuss "real stuff" but that doesn't mean I want the guy who spends the rest of the day playing dodgeball with the gym class handing out condoms and giving pointers on a topic that is so potentially destructive.
It's REALLY not appropriate.
I totally see where you are coming from. I can even understand how you feel, I have some of those feelings myself. Honestly, I am still forming my opinion and I am interested to continue this conversation because I am not fully understanding where you are coming from. Are you saying that we should remove the sex-ed classes all together. Stop talking about social issues at school and leave it strictly to parents to either teach those things or not? And why would any of this threaten your parenting and how you have raised your son?
You keep addressing this as if it’s a threat to our parenting but that’s not the point I am trying to make. However, I would suggest that you are discounting the possibility that we could all do very well in discussing these things with our children and still someday find our kids are not as strong as we might have hoped…and then, yes, this could be a situation where a free condemn and a “be careful if you do it” message from an authority figure might be just the thing to tip a horny teenager in the wrong direction (If it’s not this area, it’s going to be something.) Having said that, even if they are rock solid in their faith and listen to everything we have to say (they won’t ;) ) I still don’t think it’s primarily about that issue (a threat to parenting). My point is school is not the place to discuss sex or hand out condemns without parental consent…period (no pun intended.) ;)
Here’s the thing. You would not want my wife taking it upon herself to discuss tampons with Ryland at a time Glad deemed appropriate without your knowledge or consent. It’s not that you don’t trust Glad or necessarily disagree with what she might say. It’s just not appropriate. Not because it’s dirty or unnatural or immoral…it’s just not the appropriate person to discuss this with. I think M. Chandler is a smart and godly man, but I don’t want him helping my wife get fitted for a bra…even if he was sincerely trying to help. It’s not the people, their intentions, their motives or their message. It’s the relationship.
A parent’s job is to parent…Just because a parent doesn’t choose to do so well does not mean it’s a teachers job to step in. Frankly, I find it a little odd that they think they should. What does that say about our culture? A teacher spends an hour or two a day with 30 kids at a time. They probably talk to each teenager a grand total of 25 second a day on a good day. They grade their papers for 9 months and then say good bye. That’s it. That’s not enough of a relationship to be talking about vaginas and testicles. It’s a boundary issue for me.
If the same child’s boss at chuck-E-Cheese walked up and handed him a condom and started giving him sex pointers, he would rightfully get sued. How is this totally appropriate in one instance and completely out of line in the next?
My answer. It’s totally inappropriate in both cases.
Oh man. I just realized I just became one of those people who ends there sentences with a dogmatic "blah blah blah...period."
I hate "...period" people. Please forgive me. :)
@Justin. Believe it or not it is actually pretty hard to get condoms as a teenager. It can be embarrassing, for one, but also some stores have started "carding" kids, making sure that they are 18 before they can purchase prophylactics. I'm from New Mexico and we have the highest teenage birthrate in the country, and it's just getting higher! Preventing STD's is a whole other thing that in itself might be considered a good reason to promote safe sex in schools.
Good point, Daniel.
I'm embarrassed buying them myself sometimes and I'm 35 and been married for 7 years. ;)
All of the sex-ed classes that were given to me in school were first approved by parents. Parents could choose to look over the material that was being covered and could also request that their child not sit in the class. I agree that these things should not be discussed without parent consent.
I also know that my children will fail. They will make bad decisions and choose to do things that will have consistences, no matter how good or bad I raise them. But I believe that talking openly to my children about these topics long before they are discussed at school will help them understand the beauty that sex is intended to be. I also do NOT agree with you in that sex-ed class or being handed a condom would be the tipping point for any teenager. Like I stated in the blog, I believe the decision to not have sex is made long before a moment of opportunity ever happens. The decision to have sex does not happen because they were handed a condom at school.
I am not questioning the ability of parents to raise their children and that most parents will talk to their children about sex. Some won't. I do think that covering these issues in school, in a room full of other students and most likely more then one teacher, is an appropriate setting. A boss handing a kids a condom at work is highly inappropriate, it's the setting.
And, on a side note, if I were a parent that did not talk to my children about how to use a tampon and therefore my child asked Glad, then I also think that is a very appropriate conversation to have. (there is no moral value attached to wearing a tampon so might not be the best example).
I think the key here is that I am choosing to send my children to public school where I know these things are discussed and I will not fight to have them removed from the discussion for the sake of my child. I want my children to experience the world, see the pain of sin first hand and understand the choices they have to make in life, long before they leave my roof.
Do you believe that anything should be done at all, on any level, to help stop or prevent teenage pregnancy?
Of course I think something should be done...just not by the government. Again, the post office makes MUCH more sense if the government is going to fix all the world's problems(...it can't, by the way.)
You realize that "safe sex" can KILL a person right? Like, REALLY, the most loving message to give--over and over again--is that NOT having sex is the ONLY safe way to go. It's not just a "church thing" to say.
"Like I stated in the blog, I believe the decision to not have sex is made long before a moment of opportunity ever happens."
I think you are half right. I think the decision NOT to have sex is made ahead of time. I think the decision TO have sex is very much made in the momen and, of course, I think an adult athority figure handing a child a condemn will influence a child's opinion regarding sex. It's like saying "Don't use a gun but if you do, use this bullet because I know it won't blow up in the chamber." If you don't think an authority figures influence will affect a child's sexual habits, why bother with sex ed class in the first place?
So then, what should be done?
You mean, besides the gospel?
See that's what bothers me about this entire discussion, we are trying to slap a bandaid on a severed leg.
God's the only thing that can "fix" this. That's the avenue. Celebrate recovery, Christian adoptions services, faith based help and other avenues of spreading the Gospel (not condoms) is the only thing that is going to actually help. Otherwise, even if you prevent some pregnancies and diseases, you are just moving furniture around the deck of a sinking ship.
Not treating people like animals (The sign at the shelter says "Please be sure to spade or neuter your pet.") They say that about dogs because dogs can't control themselves. People can.
I TOTALLY agree!!! I believe the gospel is the only thing that can change this problem, and frankly that is the ONLY reason I am sending my children to public school. I am not apposed to other means of education, but I firmly believe that we as Christians are to be the light in this world of darkness and pray that my children will be that in their circle of influence. FURTHERMORE it will not be solely the responsibility of my children to be the light, you better believe that every school friend that come into my home will hear the gospel as well as every parent and teacher that I talk to. My prayer is that we will live that out daily and it will have an effect (eternally) on the lives of those in my children's classroom.
I will not fight the system that the world has designed to educate my children, I will embrace it and fight harder to educate my children in accordance with the scriptures.
I didn't read through all the comments. That said I will be providing the condoms, the sex ed, and the pill if needed. Do I want my kids to have sex in High School? NO. Do I want them prepared with the right tools and knowledge if they go against my advice? YES. However, that is my job. Not the schools. I am not pro-waiting until marriage and it isn't something I will teach our kids, however I do want them to choose wisely and not do it for the wrong reasons and I want that discussion WIDE open with my kids. I am very Liberal. I would rather take it from the standpoint of "they will have sex" than to try to get them to wait. I will try to explain as much as possible the benefits of waiting as long as they can, to get through school, to achieve their dreams, and the consequences of getting pregnant early, or an STD. I had my kids early, at 20, 22, 24. I wanted them more then I wanted an education and I find myself at 31 entering school from scratch for the first time since I was 19. Is that scary? Of course, but I feel very equipped and confident. If they choose to have a family before going to school I will support that. Just not in high school. Anyway. I admire your conviction. I think it is awesome. I just have a different viewpoint on what I will teach, and provide, my kids.
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