Thoughts...

God has really been working on my heart lately. I am not quite sure what He is doing, but I know He is convicting me in almost every area of my life. I know we are on this journey of progressive sanctification. That is, He continually seeks me out, not just the moment of my conversion, but always, everyday seeks me out and wants me to answer His call. This morning as I was reading in 1 Timothy - its says, "Have nothing to do with irreverent or silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness." 4:7. Did you read that? It says TRAIN yourself. It did not say, do whatever make you feel good... whatever you have 'time' for... whatever everyone else says you should do... whatever you want to do... whatever 'fits' into your life... it says TRAIN yourself for godliness. What I take from that is exactly what it says... I am to TRAIN myself to do the things and act in the ways of Him.

Now, train to me is almost like a four letter word. I despise training. It brings me back to the days that I used to run track in high school and how many long hours we would spend running, working out and sweating, just to run some more at a track meet. I hated track. Don't get me wrong, I was actually quite good at it and my coach had me pegged to win the state track meet my junior year of high school... but I hated it. My dad even tried to bribe to to run by offering to buy me a brand new truck if I did win state... but I still hated it. I had a horrible coach and I was in the middle of my "great rebellion" but none the less, I still hated it.

I am not sure I have ever met anyone who really enjoys training. But, we are commanded to do it. As our pastor has said, "you must beat your body into submission." And that is what I feel like I am doing. Trying, desperately to beat my body into submission. I don't want to confess my sins, both publicly and privately. I don't want to wake up early to read the word of God. I don't want to ask for forgiveness where it's needed. I don't want to see myself as wicked and evil. I surly don't want others to know that I am wicked and evil. I don't want to give up the things that distract me from Him. But... I am training... I am working out my salvation... I am letting God sanctify me... because ultimately what my soul longs for is deep communion with Him. To know Him intimately. To desire Him in ALL things.

As he feverishly seeks me out, so I want to seek Him.